An Excellent Night for an Exorcism
by MrTyeDye
Summary: During an intense jam session, Sam and Luna accidentally summon an unholy demon.


Samantha Sharp and Luna Loud were soulmates, through and through,

United by their love of heavy metal, rock and blues.

Their deep, impassioned jamming sessions caused a lot of clamor,

As each girl strummed out melodies that left her mate enamored.

But there was one such session that did not quite go as planned;

I'll tell you why, but first let's look at how the night began.

It all began at 9 o'clock, one dark October night;

the two girls snuggled on the couch, embraced each other tight.

Before long, boredom settled in, and Sam began to grouse:

"I'm sick of cuddling, Luna. It's too quiet in this house!

I want to thrash and make some noise!" the teenage punk did kvetch.

"So, Luna, 'fore I fall asleep, go to your room and fetch

Your favorite axe. And bring mine, too! To the garage we'll go

We'll shred and sing like banshees 'til the neighborhood is woke!"

"A great idea!" said Luna Loud. "I'll be back in a jiff;

We'll shake the whole block to its core with every thund'ring riff!"

Before too long, they entered the garage with their guitars,

their only light provided by the looming moon and stars.

Then, Luna got them started with a snarling power chord,

one so intense and lustful that Sam Sharp was nearly floored.

Not one to be outdone, Sam countered with a sultry lick,

And Luna, seized with pleasure, almost lost hold of her pick.

For thirty minutes, they went on, making their axes whine,

Until Sam busted out a solo that blew Luna's mind.

Melodious and sultry, like a horny angel's moan,

It left the Loud in total awe and shook her to the bone.

But just as it was over, something happened to young Sam;

She dropped her axe, putting a stop to her and Luna's jam.

She noticed she was feeling chills, a quick'ning of her pulse;

Her eyes were glazing over, and she started to convulse.

"Are you okay?" asked Luna. "What's the matter? Are you sick?

Just tell me what the problem is; I'll call the doctor quick!"

But Sam did not respond; instead, her symptoms just got worse,

And Luna started fearing she'd be sent home in a hearse.

Then, suddenly, Sam Sharp collapsed. She landed with a thud

And let out an unholy shriek that curdled Luna's blood.

Poor Luna fell down on her bottom, paralyzed with fear,

For that was the most hellish sound that she would ever hear.

As Luna cowered, Sam got up and rose back to her feet,

And gave her beau a glare that left her whiter than a sheet.

Her eyes, once green, were now blood red, her skin was pale and cracked;

Her nails lengthened into claws, and each was tinted black.

And when she spoke, the voice she used was clearly not her own -

Her sweet soprano usurped by a booming baritone.

 **"WHAT MORTAL DARES TO SUMMON ME?"** she ominously roared,

As she descended on the frightened girl she once adored.

"Who are you?!" hollered Luna Loud. "What do you want with me?!

I'll give you anything you want if you let Sam go free!"

 **"MY NAME IS SULVA,"** said the beast. " **YOUR PARTNER BROUGHT ME HERE."**

"And how is that?!" cried Luna Loud, her voice still gripped with fear.

 **"I'LL TELL YOU,"** Sulva rumbled in a guttural tremolo.

" **SHE WOKE ME FROM MY SLUMBER WHEN SHE PLAYED THE DEVIL'S SOLO.**

 **A MELODY SO DECADENT, SO FULLY WROUGHT WITH SIN,**

 **THAT ANY HELLSPAWN NEAR THE SOUND IS INSTANTLY DRAWN IN."**

 _I guess that makes sense,_ Luna thought. _Her solo WAS quite sleazy._

But she was not about to let this demon get off easy.

"She didn't mean to play it, dude! It was an accident!

This whole thing is a big mistake; this wasn't our intent!"

The demon cocked its head and laughed. **"OH, SPARE ME, MORTAL, PLEASE.**

 **TO THINK A PUNY HUMAN'S CLUMSY FINGERS COULD REPRISE**

 **THE DEVIL'S SOLO, EITHER PURPOSELY OR BY MISTAKE!**

 **IT SIMPLY CAN'T BE DONE, YOUNG ONE. YOUR ALIBI IS FAKE.**

 **THERE'S NOTHING LEFT HERE TO DISCUSS. YOUR PARTNER'S SOUL IS MINE."**

And in that moment, Luna suddenly regrew her spine.

"Oh, no you don't!" yelled Luna Loud. "You slimy motherfucker!

I'll send you back to where you came from, one way or another!"

 **"I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY,"** said Sulva. **"FIGHT ME, IF YOU DARE."**

And several wiry, flesh-toned tendrils sprouted from its hair.

They struck like sjamboks, lashing Luna Loud from head to toe,

And Luna screamed in agony with each successive blow.

But even so, she held her ground and powered through the pain.

"I'll beat you like a drum," she growled, "if you try that again!"

The demon laughed and rolled its eyes. " **OH, REALLY? IS THAT SO?**

 **HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT I'M IN THE BODY OF YOUR BEAU?"**

 _Oh, no, it's right!_ poor Luna thought. Her heart sank like a stone.

 _I gotta think of something else, or she and I are boned._

 _But first, I've gotta find a way to buy myself some time;_

 _At least, enough for MrTyeDye to think up a rhyme._

She caught a glimpse of the guitar that lay in front of her;

And just like that, the gears inside her mind began to whir.

She picked it up and gripped the frets, then turned her amp up high,

And with a single strum, her axe produced a deafening cry.

Then Sulva screamed and cupped its ears and dropped down to the floor;

 **"THAT WAS A DIRTY TRICK!"** it screeched. **"I'LL GET YOU BACK, YOU WHORE!"**

But Luna paid it no heed, as she bolted back inside;

If she had hesitated, then she surely would have died.

She sprinted to her sisters' rooms. She knew just who to tell -

The girl whose knowledge of the dark arts was unparalleled.

I speak, of course, of Lucy Loud - who, thankfully, was in

The hallway, wide awake. She was awoken by the din.

Her other siblings also stood at the top of the stairs.

(But they're not vital to the plot, so honestly, who cares?)

Luna grabbed Lucy by the hand, pulled her into her room,

And cried, "You've gotta help me, Luce, or else this house is doomed!

I promise you I'm being honest - one hundred percent!"

She then gave Lucy a recap of her predicament.

So Lucy rubbed her chin and said, "I may have a solution -

Provided you can pull it off with perfect execution.

The Devil's Solo brought it here, and therefore, its defeat

Can be conducted with a song that's heavenly and sweet."

"Makes sense to me," said Luna Loud. "I sure hope you're not wrong."

She then began to rack her brain for one such lovely song.

"You'd better hurry up," said Lucy. "Take a look outside."

So Luna peeked outside her door, and very nearly cried.

For Sulva had recovered, and was taking out its anger

By putting the rest of her family in mortal danger.

Luan was bleeding from the mouth, Lynn's arms were snapped in two

And now the beast was choking Lincoln 'til his face turned blue.

"You MONSTER!" bellowed Luna. "Just you wait, I'll get you yet!"

She grabbed her spare acoustic, pulled her pick out, gripped the frets

And played the first romantic song that popped into her head -

A wholesome song that'd leave the demon crippled (if not dead).

She chose "Ave Maria", since her mind recalled a flick

In which that very song was used to make the devil sick.

Her fingers glided 'cross the frets to play that melody

And after a few seconds, Sulva dropped onto its knees.

" **KNOCK OFF THAT RACKET,"** roared the beast, **"OR I'LL TEAR OUT YOUR SOUL!**

 **YOU PUT DOWN THAT GUITAR RIGHT NOW, YOU IRKSOME LITTLE TROLL!"**

But she ignored it, and played on. Sulva began to bawl

And puked up torrents of hot vomit all over the walls.

But Luna Loud was still unfazed. "Give up, you rancid beast!

So help me God, I'll play this holy hymn 'til you're deceased!"

The desperate beast grabbed Lincoln, held a claw up to his neck

And said, " **I'LL SLIT YOUR BROTHER'S THROAT IF YOU DON'T STOP THAT DRECK!"**

But Luna laughed. "You're bluffing, dude. And even if you're not

My bro's too clever, shrewd and bright to let himself get caught!"

And she was right! Her brazen bro kicked Sulva in the shin

And flew the coop before the demon could rein him back in.

The demon knew that it had lost. " **OKAY, I'LL LEAVE!"** it yelled.

" **BUT IF YOU SUMMON ME AGAIN, I'LL DRAG YOU ALL TO HELL!"**

And in a flash of light or two, the demon was no more;

The body that it once possessed collapsed onto the floor.

And in that moment, Luna knew that Sam Sharp had returned.

Her skin was now a healthy tan; her eyes no longer burned.

After a couple minutes, Sam woke back up, feeling dazed;

"What happened, Luna? Where am I?" she mumbled in a haze.

But when she saw the blood and vomit covering the walls

She somehow knew, deep in her heart, she was responsible.

She ran straight up to Luna, with tears falling from her eyes,

And hugged her girlfriend, sobbing, trying to apologize.

"Don't cry, sweet Sammy," Luna cooed. "It's really not your fault.

There's no way you could have foreseen that demon's cruel assault."

She kissed her sweetheart on the cheek. "Although, I must confess -

We really can't afford to leave the room in such a mess."

So Luna used a sponge and cloth to scrub the stains away

While Sam treated the wounds of those who got in Sulva's way.

The hall was almost spotless by the time the clock struck twelve.

"Not bad, not bad," Sam said with pride, "if I say so myself."

Samantha Sharp and Luna Loud both shared a sigh, relieved

As they endured a hellish night no sane mind could conceive.

But both of them had learned a vital lesson on that day -

So from now on, they'll use much more restraint whene'er they play.


End file.
